the same old me

Jonas graduated to a big boy car seat today. As I wrestled with the unfamiliar straps and complicated buckles, a small lump formed in my throat. Wasn't it just the other day I was still in the delivery room going through the same ordeal with the foreign straps of the newborn car seat? An image of an angsty teenage Jonas peeling out of the driveway with no car seat at all popped in my head and I had to bite my lip and blink back the ridiculous tears. Time goes so fast. I'm just biding time with him.


I'm beginning to think that some sort of arrested development occurred in my brain somewhere between 4th and 5th grade. When I close my eyes and try to picture who it is that I think I am, the picture is one of me on the ferry to Fire Island with my dad. I'm almost 10 and I'm wearing a kitty sweatshirt I painted myself with craft paint and a stencil. I have about 40 friendship bracelets on each wrist. And bangs. Big thick ones. I want a hamster and pierced ears and a perm and I can't wait.
Brian's mom gave me banana clips in my stocking this Christmas. I couldn't help but smile at how great they would have looked almost 15 years ago with the perm I never got. You know, often when I see middle aged office ladies that still have feathered hair and shoulder pads I think to myself "What's her problem? Doesn't she know she's stuck in the early 90's?" I guess time just goes so fast that they don't notice the fashions rapidly changing around them. They are in their offices, stuck happily in their primes, probably not even giving a shit about the bright chunky jewelry that has replaced delicate gold heart shaped lockets and cheesy charm bracelets. They don't care that the girls are now straightening their hair, rather than teasing and perming.


I try to stick to the classics. I wear a lot of black because I'm just not hip enough to keep up. Every now and then if there's something that has seriously caught on, I'll jump on the wagon a little late and hang out toward the back, so no one notices just in case I want to jump back off. I do have some pretty big ass sunglasses. One thing you will never see me do is wear fuzzy boots over tight jeans. I'm not really a good candidate for that look anyway because A) I'm too short and fat for it and B) I'm not a movie star.


Brown is the new Black
Less is the new More
Old is the new Young
Skin is the new Coat
Modest is the new Vain
and I am the same old Me

constipated in cleveland

in a town where everyone is rooting for the browns, i feel as though i'm the only one not giving a shit. literally. it may be tmi but i haven't pooped in five days! maybe it's the lack of activity. or maybe these gray skies. seriously, does the sun ever shine in cleveland? i feel like this town sucks the happiness right out of everyone. all the people here are pissed off. maybe they're all constipated like me. and they all have mustaches. what's up with that? they just look mean. all the ladies in the stores are so bitchy and they all smoke.

the browns lost yesterday and the only reason i'm upset is because i predicted that if they won, i would take a shit and be relieved of this stifling misery. and if they lost, six more weeks of constipation for me. i knew it. so far my prediction is right.

i miss colorado and its blue skies and its perky, polypropylene-wearing people. i miss my drunk neighbor clunking around in his boots. i miss the option of going snowboarding, even though i can't actually find anyone to watch my kid. i just miss having that option. i miss pikes peak, even though i've never been to the top. i just miss looking at it. i miss my jogging stroller. but mostly the sky. i've taken for granted the luxury of looking up and seeing blue. or any legitimate color for that matter. anything but gray. and i miss colorado's people. its running, riding, skiing, recycling, granola-eating, rock-climbing, polite, healthy, attractive, smiling, new life-going, customer service-oriented, intelligent, beautiful people!

so here are the things i like about cleveland:
westside market
running in the woods
lake erie
all food
downtown
the fact that the sun comes out for a few brief moments at the end of the day to set over the lake giving me something to look forward to the next day
jonas making his grandparents smile
brick streets
the big brick houses near the lake
the art museum (the one exhibit that i saw)
brian's mom's fascination with giant discount stores filled with junk
westside market
westside market
westside market

there. i named a bunch of good things about cleveland. now maybe karma will smile down upon me and give my clogged intestines a f***ing break!