Writing, Running, Being.

The finish line is a shifty Thing and what is life, but reckoning?
Ani DiFranco

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

picking up chicks

My Jonas is an only child and will most likely remain one. Socializing him has been hard because I'm shy. I've really been making an effort to find friends for him and it's not been easy. The ones we have are great, and he's very comfortable with them, but I feel I need to expose him to more people and kids. Not just expose him to them, but allow him to develop relationships. So we go to playgrounds and storytime and pretty much any event I come across that is for kids. My mission is always to find friends, and we do find cool people to play with while we're there, but I've yet to leave with anybody's phone number.

I think I am the only mom in Colorado Springs who has only one kid over the age of two, and who is not planning to have any more children. Most of the families around here seem to have three or four kids (which seems excessive to me but more power them) and they all play happily together at the park. They don't need any outsiders like my kid does. I'm really intimidated by the moms with several children. I want to ask them out on a playdate or something but I feel like they already have everyone they need right there in their family. Why would they need to hang out with us?

Then there are the cliques. The friends that already know each other from church, school, or their subdivisions. How is a non-church goer with a younger-than-school-aged child supposed to break into that scene? I need some tips from dudes on how to pick up chicks. I've come to sympathize with guys at bars who are there to get phone numbers and dates (and laid). I want to give my number to every single one of those boozy-breathed assholes along with a great big hug that says "I know what you're going through, man." Is this really what it's like? Women are so unapproachable, especially when they're in groups. No wonder males are so strongly led by their libidos. It has to be that way because properly approaching women is pretty freaking perilous and no other force on this earth is strong enough to face the kind of degradation that is risked. Except maybe the love of one's offspring.

Last week I thought I caught a break. A woman approached me. She struck up a conversation and I found it easy to talk to her. She was funny, nice, attractive and had only one child. "This is the one," I thought. "It's now or never....don't lose her." And then her true intentions floated to the surface as she too-casually mentioned the dreaded name of the multi-level marketing cosmetic company that claims to empower women but really shoves them back into hose and heels where they are brainwashed then scammed....Mary Kay. "Ohhh...crap. She sells Mary Kay. I know where this is going...." Ya win some, ya lose some.

So I've been putting myself out there every morning. Out there at the playground, among the ever-judging faces of the moms who already have good-enough friends. Just trying to choke down bits of pride until I work up the courage to ask for some digits.


H. Brown said...

oh marny! if i had a kid we would totally make a play date! what a dilemma. i applaud your bravery on yet another level. keep up the attempts.

Anonymous said...

I'm an only child. I turned out ok - most of the time! ;)
When we moved from Utah to Texas I didn't know anyone and though I'm not terribly shy (anymore), I am super picky about who I spend my time and energy on. I joined a Meetup(.com) group and though not all the moms I have met aren't "friend friends" they're all irreplaceable as far as having some kind of circle here in my area. Thankfully, from the group I also found a small group of gals I enjoy hanging out with occasionally and, believe it or not, a forever friend!

My point is, try Meetup....if not Meet-up, try putting yourself out there - host a play date at your house and ask 2 or 3 of those park/story time moms over (or if you're like me and don't love lots of other peoples' kids at your house at nearby park) - ask everyone to bring a snack and or toy to share. It's a good start ;)

p.s. The Hubs has put in for a position in Colorado as well...if we move there I expect details about where to live! ;)

Janice said...

I know exactly how you feel. Been there. Am still there. And have given up putting myself out. Good luck!

A word of advice...you need to know the secret handshake to break into the church crowd & it's not one you want to know!

Bethany said...

I totally know what you mean. I've felt this way for the longest time, but this past week, I've just decided to be more brazen (call it a dose of pregnancy bravery). I got one phone number and one email in my search for playmates for Moose and Tallulah. How did I get them? I just came out and asked. There's really no other way to do it and most of the time, they are just relieved that someone else had the guts to do it.

I think the first one is the hardest one. Once you get past that first one...it shouldn't be as difficult. Such is my advice. :) Good luck!

Laura said...

I don't have any children but if I did I know I'd be exactly the same as you!

Brian said...

Jonas is good at meeting single chicks, they dig him at all the barbecues. We just need to train him to be social with mom types. Too bad none of our bicycle scene friends have kids :(

tara said...

Dude this is a tough one. I am not super out going either so once I had Chloe I had to go from no friends here in TX to any friends I could find with kids Chloes age. It wasn't easy, but I would just see who she was playing with strike up conversation about the kids and then either ask them about getting together or if I saw them a couple of times I would bring a note (taht included out phone and email) that asked them on a playdate. Now I just try and maintain all of those friends so that Chloe has lots of kids to play with. She is a super social kid so I just had to get out of my shell. I am dreading moving and having to do it all over again. Dang that is going to suck. Oh and btw the best buddies I have found for her to play with are Cindy's kids and I met her through our running group. She is awesome and so are her kids, we all have an awesome time. So definately if you can find other parents that like biking or running you and the kids can hit it off and it will be so much better.

jill said...

i'm with you on this one. i'm not exactly a "shy" person, but even for out going types, it's hard to meet new people. i've relocated, and even though it's been 6 months (or 14, depending on how you count), i've managed 1 new acquaintance: a mom who gave me her number at the playground (her son & claire were playing together). i waited a week, then called her. she has 3 boys (2 in school) and now that school's out, & claire's w/ her daddy, it's harder to get together.

i need friends for ME and for claire (all my newest friends are online ones!)